007. A Definitive Guide to What You Can and Cannot Wear as a Wedding Guest.
Read this to ensure you stay on any and every bride and groom's good side.
As wedding season is well and truly upon us, I remember travelling to Stockholm five summers ago to attend a wedding. I showed up really excited to wear the beautiful one-shoulder silk dress I had bought specifically for the occasion, oblivious to the fact that the red and turquoise floral print on the dress would be my demise. During the first hour of the cocktail party, I was approached by ten or so guests I had never met, who made me aware of the faux pas I was committing by wearing a red dress to a Swedish wedding. Apparently, it signifies that the wearer wishes to signal that they had intimate relations with the groom. I am not quite sure why anyone would ever want to signal such things, but we’re not here to question traditions. Although I started to feel vividly embarrassed, I assumed this was merely snarky banter until the reception when I realised my faux pas was so great that it made it into the best man’s speech. To this day, when this gets brought up, the bride laughs nervously, clearly bothered, and I am thrown back to how horrified I was. This tale inspired the newsletter you’re reading.
I rarely witness debates more heated than those which take place in the comments section of a ‘wedding guest haul’ on TikTok. Women go for each other’s throats about whether a small sequin embroidery disqualifies a dress from being wedding-appropriate. In this newsletter, I share a list of everything that may be perceived as inappropriate. Disclaimer: You’re going to want to shoot the messenger. Personally, if I ever have a wedding, which I have no intention of doing precisely because I am not big on traditions, you can rock up in a bin bag for all I care. But here I purposefully assume the perspective of the most stringent of bridezillas/groomzillas, to make sure you have got all bases covered.